Birds, Children, and Patios

Lovely to wake up to the birds chirping, HEAVEN!!!!! Yesterday I went to see my methadone doc and I am not going to see her as much because I'm right on track: I'll be going to the pharmacy once a week to obtain my juice for the week, seeing a counsellor at least a few times a month, and staying clean and creative. I envision myself on a patio somewhere writing, with the sun hugging me and keeping my creativity flowing, in a way that only the sun can do. I'm so excited about summer, maybe, just maybe I can really make things happen this time.

My goals this weekend are easy: I want to send my son the Easter things that I bought for him, get a facebook account started so that I can write to him every day, and to begin writing about my experiences at the strip club where I worked last year. Something with a little bit more humor than my blog--how humorous can writing about staying clean really be?! I am also thinking about starting another blog or perhaps an ebay project that relates to fashion and beauty and all of that shallow stuff that makes being a girl SO MUCH FUN!!! I also wouldn't mind recruiting my sisters as models to put my make-up skills to use--God, that would be so much fun. ANTYHING is possible with methadone, an imagination just ITCHING to express itself, and a computer. I also have to remember to spend some time grooming this weekend. I'm beginning to look like Sasquatch's kid sister (or brother!). It'll be refreshing to go out in public again and having the guys give me the "once-over". Putting vanity aside has been interesting but the last thing you want to think about while recovering and attempting to strengthen your mental and physical self is vanity.

I love writing with my bedroom window open, hearing the children laugh and squeal and splash around in their little pools. How I wish I could fall and bang my head on a corner REAL HARD and wake up and be seven years old again (problems=0). Even better what about twelve or thirteen when everything is so new and exciting and the world is such a fascinating place!! Oh, what I wouldn't give to go with my friends to 7-11 and be whistled at by the boys that you will be going to high school with in the Fall? Who on Earth would have guessed that those same boys would become your admirers and that you would end up having a relationship with one of them that would last for years? Oh my I get butterflies in my stomach thinking about the mysteries of teenagehood, of high school. Where the hell are those mysteries now? Are there any to figure out, to explore? Dear readers, I will keep you posted, if you keep me posted on yours. One thing I have figured out though: I NEVER want to get "old" and by that I mean I never want to stop creating, I never want to become bored of life. I consider myself super-lucky because through my writing I can keep my life fresh by writing about others' lives, by becoming any character I want to be, and by exploring. It's going to be an interesting summer, I have this feeling.....................