Cinderella

I have been having a TERRIBLE time with my moods and haven't felt like writing at all but I must force myself because I know that it makes me feel much better. I'm just so confused about my future and scared about what the outcome will be. I need some sort of indication that something positive will happen because right now I feel STUCK and helpless, the way I always have and it's getting old,VERY old.

I've decided to do some research into clothing and design and fabrics so that should keep my brain entertained and off of other things that bring me down. I'm just so angry and so afraid of having the whole situation with my solely on my shoulders, no one wants to help, no one gives a shit. Meanwhile, I'm dying a little more each day. I try to keep my strength up and I scared that I'm running out of stength.

I've been talking to "D" these last few weeks. The bond I feel between us is amazing but we're taking it slow right now--the last thing I need is another hassle in my life, another fucking mistake to bring me down even further in my already pathetic life.

I am looking forward to my "make-over" at the end of the month. I'm starting to do some defuzzing today because, I've really allowed myself to become wolf-like! I want to start feeling like a woman again, attractive and feminine, soft. My sister has also promised to sell me the top-of-the-line straightening iron called the Sedu because she's getting a newer version. It's funny, actually pathetic, that the last curling iron I had I traded it for a flap of coke, and junky coke at that.

My nephew is over right now and for me, I cannot stress how therapeutic it is to be with children and animals when one is going through a hard time. I've even heard in The States there's a jail where they give hardened criminals puppies to nurse back to health and this gives them a chance to bond and to be able to feel empathy which does wonders for their mental health. I think that it's a brilliant idea towards rehabilitation and it was miraculous to see murderers fight to keep back their tears when the animals are sent back again.

My sister brought me back some heavy-duty razors so I'm really looking forward to deep, comfortable stubble-free sleep. I have also made a dentist's appointment at the end of the month, hopefully my teeth are salvageable. At least they're still there!